Feeling lonely....😢
It’s 23.58 Saturday night and he is asleep and here I am awake not tired and feeling very lonely!
On top of that I feel guilty for feeling lonely 😩
His medication has stripped away all of the parts that are ok and yet seem to have left the depression but I know he loves me very much and he worries I we’ll get fed up!
I won’t lie and say it’s easy especially when you love someone so very much and you miss them even though they are there if that makes sense? He is there somewhere and that’s what keeps me going ... waiting for him ❤️
In the meantime I miss my best friend we used to stay up together after the kids were asleep and talk and now I don’t have him either so instead I’m sat here listening to the locals at the pub having a good time and thinking will I ever have any fun again will I ever have a reason to get dressed up make an effort will I ever feel loved and not lonely again 😢😢😢
I am holding onto the new medication working and that maybe then I will get him back! I have to hope because if I don’t I think I might break too and I can’t afford to break I have to be strong and carry on x
I’m loyal loving and kind but I’m also human and I’m tired lonely and afraid and I just want a hug from my best friend my husband my everything.
Depression is evil it strips away who you are it lies and manipulates you and makes you think there is no other way out.
On top of that add BPD and PTSD and OCD with Self Harm and Suicide no wonder his head is a mess 😢
And yet I selfishly sit here wanting him to love me notice me and see I am his wife and I want him, I miss him, I need him and yet the poor man can’t even love himself! How horrible am I?
Well I suppose I should go to sleep now and maybe today will be a better day ❤️😢
Love Always
Me x
