A little Blip is normal !

So it’s now April and a good couple of months since I last posted. Mainly because there hasn’t been a lot to talk about as things have been relatively smooth (with my husband anyway)

I’ve been quite busy work wise and with matthew seemingly in a better place. I too seem to be and that’s meant the old Lisa is back and firing on all cylinders (most of the time)

I say that as there have been a couple of blips which have concerned me but actually it’s not been too bad!

Sadly matthew lost a school friend he had known since aged 4 and he went back up country for the funeral and that was hard for me!

I was worried about him driving 270 miles alone, I was worried that he had to go passed bristol and all I could think of was the bridge! I was worried about the alcohol consumption, how he would deal with grief while drinking with people who don’t really know him anymore. And to top it off I felt guilty for feeling that way...

BUT the turning point for me was he came home safe and he not only came home safe he came home like anyone else who lost a dear friend ... emotional tearful and thoughtful and I have not seen that in him for a very, very long time.

He was worried he was going to go back down hill but I didn’t feel it. I felt more relaxed and just saw a normal grieving process and after a couple of weeks he was back. Not completely over it but accepting it and his mood was getting better

He spoke with his therapist and she said that she felt that he did have a normal reaction to grief as in feeling the emotions as many people will be different in how they grieve but he saw that it was ok to not be ok. It didn’t mean the only way was down!

Medicine obviously plays a massive part too and for now the balance seems right and he is back with us. This is great and next week we are off to London with our girls and I can’t quite believe it. When I purchased the tickets for the concert our girls are attending I didn’t even know if he would be here! It was that bad....

I’ve learned a lot during these last couple of years not just about matthew and his illness but also about me.

My passion to help is still strong and I have been told Many times now to write a book about this experience and how I did and how I didn’t cope. And be that someone that I was looking for when I needed someone to chat with someone who understands and knows what it is like to have a loved one who is so unwell but mentally and not physically. There was nothing when I looked..

Now it’s April 2019... and I am about to launch something that I hope will bridge that gap and build a community of like minded people who can help each other and just simply be there supporting each other .

My journey isn’t over living with depression... his not mine! It literally is a lifelong thing , no cure for BPD but together we will try our hardest to fight it!

Matthew has told me many times that he is lucky to have someone like me and I used to laugh and say I’m just doing what any wife would!

Except that isn’t true and sadly so many relationships end because they can’t cope with the loved one who is up and down etc

But maybe just maybe if they had a support network somewhere to go maybe this could help and reduce the numbers x

Having support when you have a mental illness and when you are suicidal is very important and families need that help too. Living with someone who self harms or disappears in the night is scary and stressful.

Some have said to leave it look after myself not to do this but In all honesty there is no reason to wait! I can do this, I want to do this and most importantly if I put it off how many more people will be suffering alone unnecessarily!

I am One Person I know I can’t change the world but if one person feels supported then I will have done all I set out to do

Love Always

Me <3