When did I become a nurse?
It seems that mental health is often seen as just something people have. It’s not classed as an illness because you can’t see it but as the wife of a man who is currently battling to stay alive I beg to differ!
I can see it, I can feel it! I can because I am living with it too.
I’m living with the ups and downs (more downs than ups).
I’m living with a stranger, a man that looks like my husband and he sounds like my husband (most of the time at least) but my husband is trapped somewhere else.
The other night I watched Stanger things and it got me wondering if the people that wrote this were inspired in anyway by depression?
I even said to Him it’s a little like how he describes how he feels, living in the ‘Upside Down World’
Very dark, very cold and full of all your worst fears and most unbearable thoughts.
He agreed. The scary thing is that I feel like I live there too! I’m not depressed or suicidal but I am unhappy and surrounded by fear and dread.
I’m not living, there is no life in me just existing and hoping that tomorrow matthew returns from this dark place and we can just get back to how we were.
But, will we ever be? That’s my biggest fear.
It seems at some point this year I have gone from being a wife to a nurse. Dispensing medications arranging drs and psychiatric appointments fighting his corner with the whole shitty non supportive Mental Health Services we don’t have only to be told just let him get on with it!
As if I would ever do that? I still love him.... I am waiting patiently trying to hold it together not to loose my temper and understand that he can’t help it 😢
This is real and it’s hard
I’m an unpaid nurse and councillor for him....because I Love him x
But Who looks after me?
Love Always
Me x
