Rope, Scissors and a Boarding Pass!

A very bizarre title but I am writing this sat awaiting to board a flight to Holland for work.

But in order for my peace of mind to travel and believe me I still have very little peace or less worry as I realise I can not ever fully protect him!

My car currently parked in the carpark has all his meds (apart from the ones needed while I am away) A Tow Rope, Garden Scissors a weed burner. 

Usually the iron is in the boot too but this time it’s been left ...

 I can’t take that on the flight!

While I sit here waiting I wonder if he wil be ok will I come home Thursday to find he has burnt himself or worse.

I imagine most reading this will think I am crazy why would you go to such lengths when there other ways he can hurt himself. The simple answer is Guilt.  Every time I see something that used to be a normal object I now see a potential disaster, a ruined family & a love lost.

And I guess I have my own demons the ones that say go back and check you locked the door 50

Times!! Even though it is locked

Those same thoughts make me think just take it Alway because if you don’t you will never for give yourself... and no I wouldn’t!

It’s bad enough living thinking what tomorrow brings knowing he didn’t want to hurt himself or die so if it’s my fault then I have that too!

Yes I suppose I am crazy .... crazy in love with a very ill man

I want so much to help him

But I can’t .... I have to sit and wait and hope x 

Love Always 

Me x