Grey Skies,Grey Eyes and Nothing!

Whilst somethings are better than a year ago when this all started something’s have not changed and I As the wife am struggling with how and why it’s still going on? Previously any episodes of depression and been short lived and the general antidepressant has helped but now even though the mess are so much stronger the low mood and wanting to stay in bed the self harm and the sucical ideation still stay!

A week ago we had a lovely sunny Sunday Albeit freezing but his mood lifted but every day it rains and is dark and horrible he sinks lower and lower!

I feel pretty crappy because no one likes all this rain do they? I’d prefer freezing cold weather anyway rather than this grey dull day.... days!

I feel very flat in my mood I have so many things I want to do but I am becoming a recluse, drab and boring. Even my face is aging I’ve bags under my eyes that big I’m surprised I’ve not been charged for them and I look bloody awful.

I smile but that hides what’s inside! Fear pain anger tiredness sadness and loneliness.

Work wise I’ve got so much on which is great but cabin fever is setting in but then am I scared to go out anyway?

Counselling starts in 4 weeks I’m worried they will throw away the key!

Anyway work todo I should make the most of it and hope it all comes good!!

Love Always

me ♥️